When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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