I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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