Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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