my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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