Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize