"it" just moved
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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