Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize