no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
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MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
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I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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