it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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