Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
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We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
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I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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