i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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