listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize