god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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