I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize