no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
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You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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