In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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