omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize