You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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