She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
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You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
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Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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