Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
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You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
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I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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