it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
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