And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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