Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize