i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
There are leaves in my underwear?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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