Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
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My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
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I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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