I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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