I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize