is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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