its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
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I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
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IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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