this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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