my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
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So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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