turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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