Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize