She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
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Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
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In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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