If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We are two peas in an std pod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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