And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
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My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
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I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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