if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
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From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
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I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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