so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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