I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
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i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
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My dad just said "fuck circus"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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