You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
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stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
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Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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