I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
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Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
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The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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