there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize