God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
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Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
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Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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