I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
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You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
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Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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