Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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