im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
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The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
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This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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