So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
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