PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize