I just made out with a guy for $7.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
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you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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