Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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